Image by Emma Osborne via @emm.ann.
The following means more to me than most would understand. It is what I live my life by, and it would be impossible to fit all my thoughts on this topic in one post. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy this extremely summarised compilation of how I have learned to create happiness now.
Happiness does not equal pleasure
I will start with a not so gentle reminder that happiness does not equal pleasure.
Pleasure (the things that make us “happy”) is simply stimulation that makes our brain release dopamine.
I pose to you the same question that Robert Nozick asks in his thought experiment: The pleasure machine. If you could push a button, or enter a simulation that meant you never experience pain or discomfort ever again, would you do it? What you answer does not matter as much as your belief about whether this idea of life is the same as true happiness.
To most, the answer is no. Yet, is this not the delusion of happiness that we are fighting to obtain when we have more time, more relationships, more money?
“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
Mark Manson
Happiness is peace
Happiness is peace with the good and the bad: the dopamine and the no dopamine. Yes, if we had more money, we would be able to have more experiences that enable the release of dopamine, and we wouldn’t be at such a high risk of malnourishment and bad health. But in the same way that dopamine does not equal happiness, being rich will not bring us happiness either. We just wouldn’t be preoccupied with staying alive.
I promise you, happiness does not come when “work settles down this week”, when you “get all these assessments done”, definitely not when “the kids grow up” and not even when “we go on vacation”.
“It is good to save time on tasks, but your goal should not be to have an efficient life, speeding from birth to death as quickly as possible”
Andy Gibson
It will never settle down, there will always be more tasks to complete, you will continue to find problems everywhere, inadvertently, you might even be looking for them.
This quest for peace and happiness starts whenever you want it to
Now, I am not trying to put a positive spin on what makes life difficult, nor am I telling you to turn your negatives into positives. But I am saying, if you can, embrace the things that do not give you pleasure. They are a part of what being alive is.
Do the hard things
An amazing and insightful example of what I am talking about here is the “dopamine detox”.
Getting things done, achieving your goals, quitting unhealthy behaviours is hard. But did you know that doing the ‘hard’ things, can actually increase your dopamine receptors?
Our bodies are constantly fighting to achieve this awesome (and sometimes annoying thing) called homeostasis. This refers to balance. It makes us shiver to produce heat when we are cold, and sweat to reduce heat when we are hot. It also goes hand in hand with tolerance. When we drink a lot of alcohol, our tolerance goes up and we need to drink more to feel its effects, this is the same with most drugs. When we use our phones a lot, our dopamine receptors go down, and we consistently chase the more exciting thing, and the more exciting thing.
But what happens when we remove these behaviours, even for a little while?
When we starve ourselves of the easy access, dopamine hits, things that bring us pleasure can feel even better! You have to do the hard things.
Choose your hard
I owe this last section to Liz Moody and Britt Frank on episode #126 of the Healthier Together podcast (click here to listen)
If you’re anything like me, it can be extremely hard to motivate myself to sit at my desk and get some work done. Likewise, at the end of the day, if I didn’t get any work done, it can also be extremely hard to endure the feeling that I have wasted my time.
Frank says (though she doesn’t take credit for it) “choose your hard“
Staying inert is hard, making changes is hard – choose your hard. Getting fit is hard, not being fit is hard – choose your hard. Let’s break the myth that there is an easy way, and let’s start with: both ways are hard – pick one!
Britt Frank
It is not easy
Of course, it is not breezy from here. I have to tell myself these things every day and even still, there are some days I cannot bring myself to get out of bed or make myself a meal. This is also okay – this is what living is.
I hope you have taken something from this. If you have any questions, comments or queries pop them down below or dm me! I will be posting weekly, so make sure you follow to be reminded when the next one is up.
