Image by Emma Osborne via @emm.ann.
Whether it be in your career, your relationships, your independence, or your healing – taking the next step in your life can be one of the most daunting experiences fueled by anxiety and uncertainty.
In this post, I will first cover the risks of setting high expectations when it comes to choosing the next step to take in your life, how exactly to manifest what you want out of it, and some healthy reminders for along the way.
Reduce the expectations; reduce the fear
Expectations give the negative voice in our head the means to say that you have failed. With this comes the fear: “What if it doesn’t work out”, “what if it turns out to be a mistake”. While there will always be safety in where you are now, ask yourself what you are more afraid of – the risk of moving forward, or risk of becoming stagnant.
Of course, I would love to boost your confidence and minimise your expectations. But unfortunately, your expectations will never be completely diminished, and you will never just not be afraid. Confidence and courage arise in the face of these fears. Keeping balance in mind, anxiety can be very useful. You would not have made it as far as you have if you were not afraid to fail.
With this, you do not need to feel ‘ready’. All you need, is a sense that you are where you have been for long enough. Give your mind and body the credit it deserves for getting you this far and trust that it will continue to do so with whatever comes your way.
If it doesn’t work out, if it turns out to be a mistake, you are a magnificent human being that has accomplished so much in this life. And now you have the opportunity to take what you have learned and apply it to something greater.
Your core purpose must not be dependent on the external world.
I remember, when I first envisioned my dream of being a famous psychologist, one night I was overridden with fear. What if I don’t become famous? What if I don’t make a difference? What if I die and I have had no impact on this world whatsoever? And somehow it hit me. I do not need to be famous to make a difference. I do not need to have changed the world to have had an impact on it. I do not even need to have had an impact on the world to know that I have lived my life to the fullest as long as I know that I am living my life to the fullest.
The goal is not to be considered the best artist, have the best relationship, or make the most money. The goal is to devote as much of your life as possible to the things that you love and the things that bring you joy. That is the only thing you have control over and, therefore, the only thing that you can base your expectations on.
It is not important to be the best… It is important that you live a pleasant life, and in the best case, support others so that they can do the same.
Manifest
I said just before that I do not need to have had an impact on others to know that I have lived my life to the fullest as long as I know that I am living my life to the fullest. And guess what. I am. And you are. And everyone. We are all strolling, soaring, scratching, clawing through life to the best of our ability, with the tools we have acquired against the cards we have been dealt. Regardless of how things pan out, remember, you are enough, you have been enough, and you always will be enough.
Deciding to take the next step, and taking it.
If you are worried about the goals that you are looking to pursue, or you have been struggling to attain them for a while, I want to briefly encourage you to evaluate, just for a moment, whether these goals are aligned within your head, your heart, and your gut.
Logically, it makes sense with your life,
Emotionally, you have a huge amount of desire for, and
Intuitively, you feel that it is something that is right for you.
Dr Tara Swart Bieber
I want to encourage you to go after your goals and your life. But with the pressure of our external surroundings, our education system, and unfortunately for some, our parents – I want to make sure that I am encouraging you to go after the things that you want. Look into yourself and be open to the input of those closest to you.
With that being said, you are a creature capable of immense change and growth. Look back at what you have done and do not forget to appreciate how far you have come.
Validate where you are now. Accept where you are now as if it is all you will ever do. Recognise how amazing this is. And now, you are able to move forward – not out of fear that you have not done enough or as a means of escape from who and what you are – but as a conscious act of being alive. You have, even if it is hard to see, succeeded in getting to a stage in your life where you are able to take the next step, to achieve another goal or, maybe, to learn another lesson.
Now, do it.
Where do I start?
Imagine you are the version of you that has achieved or is currently achieving what it is that you have in mind. What are they doing. And how can you implement that today? Otherwise, what can you do right now to give yourself the chance to do those things?
Take little steps. Yeah yeah… “It’s about the journey, not the destination” but I must remind you, these little steps are a part of the journey. Life is not a race!
Achieving this next goal is not entirely the point. It is the process, the joy, and the pain in the little choices you make. This is your next adventure. Relish in it.
The goal is not to have an efficient life. Speeding from birth to death as quickly as possible.
Remember, do not let whether or not you succeed in your goal to determine whether or not you are happy. This has no say whatsoever. You may fail, you may be sad. You may succeed! You may still be sad.
This is about expanding your life. Your happiness starts yesterday.
Or at least until you read how to create happiness now.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. It has been delightful to write, and I cannot wait to speak to you again soon. Happy New Year!
